We wall ourselves to protect ourselves. Let’s take a look at a few things that have held me mentally and physically back from really connecting to others and being in community.

These Barriers or walls are things that keep me(us) from experiencing another person’s heart, soul, mind, and strength.

*The Heart (passions, hurts, motivations, dreams),��

*Soul ( personality, how they think, communicate, problem solve),��

*Mind (what they believe, worldview, values, sense of self, sense of humor, what they find sacred)��

*Strength (how they help, skills they bring to the table, the unique beauty they add to the world)

Key Barriers to One to Ones:

When we do scary and uncomfortable things, our bodies and emotions may react in order to protect ourselves from what our bodies perceive as danger.��

We do this in many ways, here are some examples:��

• Allowing nervousness or fear of rejection to prevent you from engaging with others can limit opportunities to form meaningful relationships.��
• Taking the power of someone’s opinion out of the equation
• Closed-Off Attitude: Not showing genuine interest or curiosity about others can create a barrier to forming deep connections.
• Poor Nonverbal Engagement: Lack of eye contact and closed body language can signal disinterest, hindering the development of trust and rapport. (80%+ communication)
• Negative Mindset: Approaching interactions with negativity or skepticism can make conversations strained and uninviting. **Being honest about something that was wrong- and acknowledging it.��
• Anxiety and self protective responses that protect us from others (If I keep it cool then people won’t know what I really have going on and they cant use it against me)
• Superficial Sympathy: Focusing only on surface-level sympathy instead of striving for deeper empathy and understanding can lead to shallow connections.
• Ignoring Personal Boundaries: Pushing too hard for personal information or not respecting someone’s comfort zone can damage trust and discourage further interaction.
• Overlooking Small Achievements: Not recognizing the importance of small steps in relationship building can lead to missed opportunities for growth and connection.
• Unprepared Conversations: Entering into interactions without any thought or preparation can result in unproductive and awkward exchanges.
• Self-Centered Approach: Focusing solely on what you can get out of a relationship, instead of also considering what you can contribute, can create imbalance and hinder genuine connection.
• Lack of Presence: Being distracted or not fully engaged in conversations can make others feel undervalued and disrespected.

In essence, these boundaries stem from a lack of openness, engagement, and respect in interactions. Recognizing and working to overcome these barriers can enhance the ability to build authentic and meaningful relationships.

Overcoming Barriers Tips and Tricks:

When we bypass our fear and invest in others this is what brave, productive, healthy space looks like. A holistic approach, addressing both the emotional and practical aspects of building one-on-one relationships are found below. When you decide this is about the other person and you dive into the mystery and exploration this what you do:��

• Encourage Curiosity: Emphasize the value of being curious about the other person. Curiosity can lead to more engaging and dynamic conversations. It shows that you’re genuinely interested in learning about them, which can create a stronger connection.
• Practice Nonverbal Communication: Nonverbal cues like eye contact, nodding, and open body language can significantly enhance communication. These cues can show that you’re engaged and interested in the conversation, even without many words.
• Set a Positive Tone: Starting conversations with a positive attitude and an open mind can set a welcoming and comfortable tone for the interaction. Positivity tends to be contagious and can make the experience more enjoyable for both parties.
• Reframe Anxiety as Excitement: Sometimes, nervousness in meeting new people can be reframed as excitement. This slight shift in perspective can change how you approach the conversation, making it more about the opportunity rather than the fear.
• Emphasize Empathy Over Sympathy: While sympathy is feeling for someone, empathy is feeling with them. Encourage your group to strive for empathy, which fosters deeper understanding and connection.
• Acknowledge and Respect Boundaries: It’s important to recognize and respect personal boundaries in conversations. Not everyone may be comfortable sharing personal details immediately, and that’s okay.
• Celebrate Small Victories: Acknowledge and celebrate even the small successes in building relationships, like having a pleasant conversation or finding a shared interest. This can boost confidence and motivation.
• Prepare Some Go-To Conversation Starters: Having a few general topics or questions in mind can help ease into conversations more smoothly, especially when you’re unsure of how to start.
• Remember It’s a Two-Way Street: Relationships are about giving and receiving. Encourage your group to not only share about themselves but also to be open to what others have to offer.
• Mindfulness and Presence: Being fully present in the conversation, without distractions, can make the interaction more meaningful and respectful.

Practices to Add Daily

Integrating these practices into daily life requires consistent effort, patience, and sometimes, a shift in mindset.��

Here are some ways to help embody these concepts more naturally over time:

• Regular Practice: practice these skills regularly. Like any other skill, building relationships improves with practice. Even small, daily interactions can be opportunities to hone these skills.
• Reflection and Journaling: Keep a journal of your experiences in building relationships. Reflecting on what worked, what didn’t, and how they felt during interactions can provide valuable insights and personal growth.
• Role-Playing and Scenarios: You could use role-playing exercises to practice different scenarios. This can help members feel more prepared and confident in real-life situations.
• Set Personal Goals: Set realistic, personal goals related to building relationships. These could be as simple as initiating a conversation with a stranger or asking more open-ended questions in their interactions. Create a white board chart to capture your personal goals.��
• Create a Supportive Environment: Foster a group culture where members feel safe to share their experiences and challenges. Support from the group can be a powerful motivator and source of encouragement.
• Mindfulness Practices: Introduce mindfulness exercises that focus on being present and aware during interactions. This can help in managing anxiety and being more engaged in conversations.
• Celebrate Progress: Recognize and celebrate the progress each member makes, no matter how small. This can boost morale and encourage continued effort.
• Buddy System: Pair up members so they can practice these skills together and provide feedback to each other. This can also help in building accountability.
• Adapt and Personalize: Remind everyone that it’s okay to adapt these concepts to suit their individual personalities and situations. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to building relationships.
• Patience and Compassion: Encourage patience, both with oneself and with others. Building meaningful relationships doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s important to be compassionate with oneself through the process.
• Lead by Example: finding a leader (good example) whose approach to building relationships can serve as a powerful example. Ask them to share their experiences, including the challenges, to show that it’s a shared journey.

By incorporating these strategies, the group can gradually shift these concepts from being mere ideas to natural, integral parts of their daily interactions and relationships. It’s about creating a supportive and proactive environment where personal growth is encouraged and celebrated.

Team Activity

I created a lesson plan to help walk teams through a discussion and practices to empower group members to understand and overcome common barriers in forming authentic one-on-one relationships in hopes to leave members feeling encouraged and celebrated.

, , to print off.

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Uncovering Vocation is a partnership between Campus Ministry and the Christensen Center for Vocation at Augsburg University. Every 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month, a member of the Augsburg community is invited to share a component of their vocation story. It has become a way of building community, becoming reacquainted with one another, and celebrating the diversity of people and vocations that make Augsburg University the beautiful place it is.

One morning about a month ago, as I was running around the house, getting everyone ready for school, when my 3.5 year old son drew an almost perfect circle on a leather stool with a bright red, permanent marker. When I came in the room he pointed to it with the marker and said, “I did not do this.” I frantically told him: We only draw on paper. And asked him repeatedly, “why did you do that?” He responded with tears, apologies, and a smirky 3 year old smile that told me he was both sorry and not sorry. I don’t think I will ever know “why” he did it but I imagine he got the idea and he couldn’t NOT draw the bright red circle while no one was looking. It was a little bit brave and I think he knew it. He definitely took a risk with his selection of media. But he went for it.��

After scrubbing the chair with nail polish remover, I crouched down next to him and said, “That was a very beautiful circle. Next time, please draw it on paper”.��

I tell this story because I believe in the idea that everyone and everything is a teacher. The story of the red circle is funny and playful (in hindsight of course) and it is also a statement about how I try to understand what each moment is teaching me. And what I am teaching others through my life and work.��

I have been called to be a professional educator, to study the arts and sciences of teaching and learning. In this life’s work, I have been a first and second grade teacher in multilingual and multi age classrooms. I have also been a teacher educator for almost 15 years. As my vocation, I do this work on purpose and with intention.

My vocation story doesn’t start with, “I always knew I wanted to be a teacher.” Actually, I have a story that involves dropping all of my classes the night before the deadline, self-advising with a giant undergraduate catalog in hand, and changing my major to Elementary Education with equal parts excitement and anxiety. On the day I graduated three years later, a former teacher of mine gave me a card that reads, “Give your gifts freely to the world, expecting nothing in return. Someday the world will surprise you.” My vocation story is about how I came to hear my calling by listening to what my gifts are, finding a way to freely give them to the world, and being surprised.

I have memories of a time in 3rd grade when my parents were encouraged to move me ahead a grade. But what I had in school smarts I lacked in social skills. So my parents were cautious of setting me up to fail in learning how to be a friend. I remember my first real friends stood out from the crowd in some way; Maria was adopted, Richelle was one of few students of color in our school, Noah’s gold stars on a class behavior chart didn’t quite line up with everyone else’s; and Jessie spoke Japanese at home and English at school. These friends were among my first teachers and I know they taught me to see one of my gifts: Acceptance. When I am with others, I try to see people for who they are. When people are with me, I want them to know that they can be their whole, true self, without judgment.��

In my first year of teaching second grade, the world brought me Aaron. He had quite a few adventures in my classroom, including one in which he stood in front of me during a spelling test, publicly and loudly declaring his hate for me. Instead of trying to fight against him, tell him to stop, or make him into something he couldn’t be right then, I gave Aaron acceptance. Perhaps that gift, which likely appeared as a lack of response, surprised Aaron because he did eventually stop yelling in my face while I gave a spelling test over him.��

When giving acceptance, I have found it can be difficult to establish and express boundaries. Am I ok with someone yelling in my face that they hate me? As a general rule, no. Aaron and I talked about that later and I advocated for myself and for him. Throughout that first year of second grade for both of us, my students and I learned each other’s boundaries, what is acceptable, and what needed to shift as we learned and grew together. That year, Aaron was the student that gave the most hugs, likely because he needed them and saw that I did too.

In any learning experience, there are growing pains. I learned a lot about growing up as the fourth child wedged between 3 older and 2 younger brothers and sisters. In the midst of the chaos we called family, I learned to see another one of my gifts: Calm. My family still jokes that we didn’t need pets because we had so many kids. We tried to have a pet once. Her name was KC, a new cocker spaniel puppy that ran away; probably on the hunt for some peace and quiet! Like KC, I often found myself looking for a calm escape – making art, reading, packing a bag and ‘running away’ up the street to sit under a tree.��

Over time, as I sought out calm I also realized I could bring it back into spaces with me to provide a different kind of energy. Whether in classrooms full of students or in my own home now with 3 children, a husband, a dog, and a cat, I try to give calm as part of my presence. As a young teacher, I remember giving calm to Alex. For Alex, it seemed as though everything was too difficult, too loud, and too bright. Except when he was writing poetry. As an 8 year old, he was the best poet I have ever known. I think he liked the spaces we created in our classroom with quiet music and dimmed lights where he could write and become sure of himself without the pressure of rules.��

One of the dangers of giving calmness is that it can be read as apathy or not caring. Whereas some people give care by worrying, giving calm is the way I care about others and myself. In this, I acknowledge the tensions, stress, and contradictions that are a part of any life.�� Rather than trying to fight them, with the gift of calm I manage my expectations that I am not always in control. I can plan and must be flexible. I can be excited and patient. I can be passionate and steady. I can be quiet and lead. I find and bring calm to the spaces in between extremes.��

Not all of my teachers have been people. I grew up in a place where I didn’t have a choice about the form of religion that I grew up around. As a young child, I went along with the teachings, rituals, and unspoken rules. Yet, over time I understood less and questioned more. I argued with the logic and pushed back on the hypocrisy and injustices that I read in the teachings and ways of living that I was born into. My religious upbringing revealed for me another gift: curiosity.��

I have always loved school and learning. That is one of the ways I get to give and express my curiosity. And yet, I know that I am the kind of person that school was made for. I was set up to be successful in learning. As a teacher in my first few years, I met Sydney, Emmanuel, Jibril, and Jared. These four were among my hardest and my most favorite. They were difficult not because of who they were. They were difficult because school was not set up for them to be successful. As their teacher, I got to give them my curiosity and try to create new spaces where they could be seen as something other than kids who didn’t care, couldn’t get it, or would always be in trouble.����

Giving curiosity can often be read as being contrary. I am ok with being a contrarian. In fact, my parents always thought I would be a lawyer because of my ability to argue. When I ask, “Why does it have to be that way?” I won’t accept, “Because that’s how it has always been done,” as an answer. I know that curiosity is a privilege. That’s why I consider it one of the most important gifts I have received and can give. And I know I must give it carefully so the consequences of my wonderings are not destructive or harmful.��

As a teacher and teacher educator, I get to give acceptance, calm, and curiosity every day. And I have been surprised on the paths that I have taken. I have been able to take risks, make mistakes, and trust that everything that happens in life is teaching me something. Even a red circle in permanent marker, not on paper.��

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With my role as the V-Portfolio Coordinator, I have been furthering the work of the V-Portfolio alongside the directors with the centers of commitment at Augsburg University; the Sabo Center, Strommen Center, Center for Global Education & Experience, and the Christensen Center for Vocation. The V-Portfolio is essentially an online E-Portfolio but with a foundation of using vocation as the grounding for students, hence the title, Vocation Portfolio.��

Within the updated V-Portfolio website students are introduced or reintroduced to the term vocation, as it is defined as, “the way you are equipped, empowered, called, and driven to make our world a better place for all living things.”��Colloquially vocation has been coined as a term that means the type of career or lifestyle one aspires to have. Vocation is something that happens in the future and begins with the individual. The V-Portfolio offers a different definition of vocation. As through the V-Portfolio, vocation is framed to focus on the present and is in response to the world, the neighbor. This is important work as our vocation is compelled to move because of the neighbor and that we get to decide how to respond using our own gifts, knowledge, and talents.

The V-Portfolio is intentional of having students that are participating in an experience hosted by one of the centers to discern their vocation. At the V-Portfolio launch this June, students participating in an internship, students that were preparing for the Augsburg Youth Theology Institute, and students that work within the centers are included in this launch. This fall the V-Portfolio will be launched for students studying abroad in Mexico. Before, during, and after each center experience a student participates in, they reflect on their vocation in relation to the four centers. Such as, they discern how their experience relates to the neighbor through meaningful work, local citizenship, global citizenship, and through their own vocation. This discernment does not happen in the future. It happens in the present and students will be using their lessons and experiences to define what they are being called to do in response to their neighbor.��

As the V-Portfolio launches and students actively participate in reflecting on their experiences, it is my hope that they understand the gift of vocation in relation to their own life and their neighbor. It’s work that requires intentionality to have it take place. I am thankful and excited to see how the V-Portfolio continues to move.��

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With excitement, Jon makes a return to Augsburg University as he graduated with a Bachelor’s of Arts in Youth and Family Ministry Degree in 2015. Since graduation Jon worked in children, youth, and family ministry in faith communities within the Twin Cities and also Billings, Montana. He also spent time working in the digital department at Star Tribune from 2017-2019. Through his eclectic career, Jon has admired his time building relationships amongst his teams, creating projects for people of all ages, and the time spent organizing information, art supplies, and bundt pans.

Currently, Jon is also a nursing student at Minneapolis Community & Technical College. He finds joy in coffee, reading, time with his loved ones, and time napping. Jon is eager to strengthen his skills in project management, work with the CCV Team and other departments on campus, and create the V-Portfolio for the students of Augsburg.

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Till & Keep Issues

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At our recent winter meeting we solicited names of movies and books that come highly recommended by the members of the Board.�� Here is the list:

Melissa Pohlman:
Disunity in Christ: Uncovering the Hidden Forces That Keep Us Apart��by Christena Cleveland

John Snider:
Eager to Love: The Alternative Way of Francis of Assisi��by Richard Rohr

Mark Hanson:
Never Wholly Other: A Muslima Theology of Religious Pluralism ��by Jerusha Tanner-Lamptey
A Strange Glory: The Life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer��by Charles Marsh

Marty Stortz:
(2005) at Kenyon College
Christoph Schwoebel’s article “Talking Over the Fence.�� From Toleration to Dialogue”��(for John Clayton on his 60th Birthday), in: NZSTh 45 (2003), 115-130.

Sonja Hagander:
The Round House��by Louise Erdrich

Diane Jacobson:
The film “— suggested given disagreements about immigration.

Jack Fortin:
Christianity for the Rest of Us��by Diana Butler Bass

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��Gracia Grindal, ’65, professor of rhetoric at Luther Seminary, Bernhard M. Christensen Symposium keynote address on��Oct. 2, 2010

from the spring 2010 issue of Till & Keep journal.

Blog –��The Progress of Pilgrimage

Martha E. Stortz, the Bernhard M. Christensen Professor in Religion and Vocation,����about��pilgrimage.

Chapel Talks

Martha E. Stortz, Bernhard M. Christensen Professor of Religion and Vocation
February 6, 2014

Paul C. Pribbenow, President
December 3, 2013

Martha E. Stortz, Bernhard M. Christensen Professor of Religion and Vocation
November 20, 2013

Mark Tranvik, Director of Christensen Center for Vocation
September 18, 2013

Martha E. Stortz, Bernhard M. Christensen Professor of Religion and Vocation
September 19, 2012

Garry Hesser, Sabo Professor of Citizenship and Learning, Sociology and Urban Studies Department
January 24, 2011

Mark Engebretson, Professor of Physics and Director of the Center for Atmospheric and Space Sciences
February 9, 2011

Martha E. Stortz, Bernhard M. Christensen Professor of Religion and Vocation
February 10, 2011

Other Writings on Vocation

First Word: Board of Regents,��Augsburg College, October 11, 2014

Martha E. Stortz, Bernhard M. Christensen Professor of Religion and Vocation

Mark Tranvik, Director, Christensen Center for Vocation

Remarks by Martha E. Stortz, Bernhard M. Christensen Professor of Religion and Vocation, from her Inauguration (all are PDFs):

Videos��on Vocation

, video narrative project by the Collegeville Institute

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The Collegeville Institute has created��a helpful video resource for��personal and/or small group reflections.��“Vocation is the story of our lives: how God calls and how we respond. Lives Explored is a video narrative project started in 2012 to capture stories of vocation from participants in the and programs.”

View the����and enjoy these everyday examples of vocation in people’s life and work.

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Eboo Patel,��Founder and President,

BACKGROUND INFORMATION ABOUT CHRISTENSEN SYMPOSIUM

The annual Christensen Symposium-first held in 1990-is made possible through the Christensen Endowment, which was established by alumni and friends of Augsburg to honor Bernhard M. Christensen. As the president of Augsburg College and Seminary from 1938 to 1962, Christensen was a central figure in drawing Augsburg fully into the study of the liberal arts.

The Symposium is designed to reflect and reinforce the principles to which Christensen showed such deep commitment:�� academic integrity, the Christian Gospel, and a mutually supportive relationship with the church. In addition, it serves as a vehicle for the Augsburg community to explore and apply the five lessons that are Christensen’s legacy:

• Christian faith liberates minds and lives.
• Diversity strengthens vital communities.
• Interfaith friendships enrich learning.
• The love of Christ draws us to God.
• We are called to service in the world.

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